Sob Sob

Still no internet.

I'm dying here.

Another 5 days without it.

1.20 secs left on my internet cafe.

I'll be back I promise! All is well.

See you...

When we chat again, I'll be 30 - eeekkkk - and living, albeit unpacking, in my new house.

Bye for now - what will I do without the internet?!

Arrrggghhh!

Why am I not excited about my new house?

Why am I not excited about turning 30?

Why hasn't my house sold yet?

Why is work so crazy?

Why oh why oh why...it's the story of my life at the moment.

Sigh.

Photo Shoot

I met up with some photographers from a forum I frequent today for a shoot.

I took the kids along to use as models (and Trevor to babysit - he was oh so happy about that). It was a great day. The kids were good (on account of a very big big of M&Ms). I got to practice on a couple of other children which is always fun.

Here are some form today…

Breathe…Breathe…Breathe

I could scream - in fact I already have.

I could cry - opps done that.

We went to the house last night because I wanted to see the finished tiling. The tiling’s done but I didn’t care about that. All I cared about was the fact that when I walked into the garage I couldn’t see the granite. Our beautiful big 2 metre piece of granite (for the study nook) was gone, as well as all our off cuts (to be used for chopping boards).

I was frantically trying to ring the builder (at 7.00pm at night – do you think he was answering?!!), the kids were screaming and running around like mad people, Trevor was being a dick head (plus I didn’t want to talk to him – he had been to the house on three separate occasions prior and didn’t even notice the granite was missing – it was the first thing I noticed) all while trying to stay composed and to breathe.

That’s the story of my life at the moment…breathe…breathe…breathe.

My emotional status is literally hanging by a thread these days. I’m so stressed it’s beyond a joke. It’s scary in actual fact. I’m not normally a ‘stressful’ person but I’m literally at breaking point at the moment.

I’ve not really talked about it much mostly because I’m so busy that I haven’t really got around to it. There is also the fact I just don’t want to address it. The new house; the unsold house; working fulltime; stretched finances; a misbehaving child…its all taking a toll.

I don’t know how much more I can handle. Everyday there seems to be another drama or stressor whether it be something at the house (like the lost granite) or something to do with our current house (which hasn’t sold – no. 1 stressor for sure), a deadline at work (it’s crazy there at the moment) or Byron not listening (happening all the time). There isn’t a day that goes by event/stress free.

There is so much I want to say; so much I have on my chest but I don’t have the energy to talk. I turn 30 in one week today. To be honest I feel every bit my 30 years. Literally, over the last year or two I have aged (physically, mentally and emotionally). I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and with each passing day I feel like I’m sinking further and further.

I know my life isn’t ‘hard’…it’s far from it. I have a family that love me and for peat’s sake I’m moving into a brand new house in a week (but I tell myself I’m certainly going to be paying for it). It’s still hard though…hard for me and that's what matters in my life.

The cost of living is hard for a start. My mortgage rate goes up monthly (irrespective of whether the reserve bank puts up the cash rate), I have bills coming out of my ears and not enough money to fund them until I sell the house (which isn’t happening).

I’m not spending near enough time with my kids. I’m frustrated and they can sense that. Byron’s behaviour of late is far from desirable. He doesn’t listen. He’s loud and a smart mouth. I need to work on that. I need to pull the reigns in and I need to do it now.

Everything is now. Now. Now. Now.

Sigh (I do that a lot lately…literally).

I’ll be ok. I’ll just keep moving. I’ll just keep going and hope that once I get in the house and sell the other one that things will get better. Things will settle down. In the meantime I’ll remember to breathe and to do it deeply.

…and just so you know…the builder advised me this morning that his labourer had accidentally ‘thrown’ away our granite last Friday. Apparently, he (the stupid labourer) *thought* it was rubbish. What a freakin idiot! The builder apologised and said he would reimburse us. All well and good but it’s the inconvenience that hurts more although a $900 loss isn't something to scoff at.

Mother's Day 2008 Pt 2

Mother’s day didn’t end with Ferrero Rochers or chocolate milk! No-sir-ree. There was brunch at the Bayside.

It was the most glorious May day today. It felt like spring but alas it is autumn (which means winter is on the way). It was such a great morning. The kids played with Nanna and my sister but best of all I got to snap some photos which is my favourite thing to do – very fitting for mother’s day don’t you think?

Here are a few (Byron wasn't as accommodating as I would have liked)...

(My fave...)

Mother's Day 2008 Pt 1

I can’t believe mother’s day is here again. I was just thinking about my first mother’s day…

For a start I was 4 years younger, less stressed, better looking and well only had one kid!

Now I have kids…am 2 weeks shy of 30, and the most stressed I’ve ever been in my life. Alas, I digress.

It’s mother’s day…my 5th. It’s my mother’s 31st. I couldn’t imagine 31 years as a mother. 31 years of love; 31 years of stress; 31 years of laughter; 31 years of worry. I couldn’t imagine life any other way though and I’m sure my mum’s the same – what’s not to love about me…he he he.

Byron has been referring to mother’s day as ‘valentine’s day’ for the last 2 weeks. It doesn’t matter how many times we correct him, he still can’t get it right. Anyway, I woke up to him saying “happy valentines day”. Wide eyed with anticipation for some gift giving Byron proceeded to pull some presents out of a bag. First up he handed me some chocolate milk – yes you read right…chocolate milk, 600mls worth. I looked at Trevor with some confusion…I mean what the hell are my kids giving me chocolate milk for mother’s day. Trevor proceeded to explain that when asked what I loved or what my favourite things were Byron commented...“chocolate and chocolate milk”.

If I can digress for a moment - to explain the situation with the chocolate milk? I took the kids to the supermarket the other week to pick up a few things. Anyway, while we were there I walked past the chocolate milk and thought I’d get one for the kids and I. Lily got her own, Byron did and of course me too. Some where out of that experience Byron has gained the perception that chocolate milk is a favourite staple of mine. Don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate milk but honestly I can go months and months without buying one.

I also got a big box of ferrero rochers (yummo). Byron was correct in his assumption that chocolates were a favourite of mine. The kids were particularly excited to be eating chocolate (and drinking chocolate milk) for breakfast.

Next I got a lovely work blouse and beads (Nanna’s gift in disguise – she does that all the time…buys a gift and pretends it’s from the kids (and/or Trevor bought it) but I can tell every time. Bless her.

It wouldn’t be mother’s day without pyjamas. I got some extra special ones this year. I got ‘hello kitty’ pyjamas not because I love hello kitty (because to be honest she’s not my style) but because they looked like Miffy (the story book character). Another Byron suggestion. Bless him.

Finally, I’ve said it before, but one of the things I love about mother’s day is the home made gifts and cards. Each year I get something special. This year Byron made me a heart magnet for the fridge and Lily, some home made bickies. Lily made me the cutest little card. It was a teapot shape (colour courtesy of Lily) with a tea bag stuck inside and it says…

“I thought as it was Mother’s Day,
you may like a cup of tea.
Please sit back and just relax
And have this one on me”

If only I drank tea. Just joking. I love it (the card that is). All the kindy stuff is so precious.

Trevor picked out the cutest card from the kids this year. It reads…

“Dear Mummy,

Thank you for tucking me in, picking me up and showing me how.
Thank you for teaching me to do things on my own, and believing in me when I try.
Thank you for hugging me and loving me and doing special things to make me happy.
Thank you for being a wonderful mummy”

Byron signed the card...‘To mummy Love Byron Lily’ all by himself. Sigh.

I love mother’s day.

(The chocolate milk which Byron desperately wanted to drink)

(Lily and my heart magnet)

High Tea

I went for High Tea today with some of my girlfriends. It was so darn nice! It was my first time – I was a high tea virgin. They took me out as a thank you for taking the pictures of their kids which was a lovely thought – I didn’t need a thankyou. Lending me their children was more then enough of a thankyou for me. Today was just a bonus.

I’ll be honest, I’m not a ‘tea’ drinker but I love the idea behind it – girlfriends, cakes and lots of chatting. Really, what’s not to love about that?!

There were four of us and it was perfect. We chatted, sipped tea (or in my case hot chocolate – strike me down now!) and ate all the scrumptious little pastries, cakes and sandwiches well into the afternoon. Speaking of scrumptiousness…aren’t petits fours the most delectable, cutest things ever – trust me to get all excited over food.

It was such a welcome relief to my somewhat stressful life at the moment. It was delightful to chat husbands (mainly bashing he he he) and babies and all things in between. I was eagerly waiting the weekend just so I could go to high tea; just to spend some much needed time with some good friends.

After High Tea I had the pleasure of welcoming my first visitors into my new home…ok not really…just showing my girlfriends around the place. It was nice to see, when I dropped in today, that we had a range hood. Woohoo! Although, I wasn’t too happy with the chimney type thing sticking out of my roof but I guess that goes with the territory. If you hadn’t noticed I’m becoming such a perfectionist of late. I hate things out of place.

In addition to the range hood I saw that the rain head in the ensuite had been installed. I can’t wait to give it a whirl.

12 days to go!!!

Store-wee Time

You might recall a little while ago my disdain at reading to Lily. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to; it was more that it was just so frustrating. She wouldn’t sit still. She would close the books after one page. Basically she just didn’t like to read or more to the point…be read to.

WOW how things have changed. It’s ‘store-wee’ this and ‘store-wee’ that at the moment. Currently, Lily just loves books. You can sit on her rocking chair and literally read her book after book (and repeat them over and over) and she will sit for as long as you will read.

She interacts on a whole new level now. Her vocabulary is expanding at a rate of knots which I think is the reason for her increased fascination for reading - she just wants to suck it all up. I’ve discovered that she has some favourite books…the books to which she is drawn (I suspect it is because they are the ones we read her often). These include…

“Where is the Green Sheep”
“The Hungry Caterpillar”
“Oh Dear”
“Night Night Baby”
“The Going To Bed Book”
“Peepo”

I couldn’t pass up of the opportunity to capture ‘store-wee’ time. They are nothing spectacular but none the less they are special to me…

I'm glad Trevor managed to capture some with me too...

Clown Boy

I swear every time Byron comes home from kindy he looks like a kid that has swiped his mum’s lipstick and despite trying really hard to apply it correctly completely misses the mark.

Seriously, the kid looks like a clown!

(Excuse the dodgy photo - just a quick snapshot for evidentiary purposes)

Ever since he was a toddler Byron has tended to lick his lips in the cooler/winter months. It used to be a case of him licking when he had a runny nose (gross I know) but now it seems to be more to do with wind burn then a snotty nose although that is sometimes how it begins. It’s got to the point where we are constantly telling him every five minutes to get his tongue back into his mouth. The more he licks with his acidic spit, the worse it becomes. So, by the time he has gotten home from kindy, after a million repeat licks of his lips, he literally looks like a clown.

Vaseline just doesn’t do the job – too thin and way too water soluble. If I try to put a blistex type ointment on he screams – he doesn’t like the cooling sensation. The only thing that seems to really curb a lot of the wind burn is Lansinoh (yes the nipple cream). I used that a lot last winter season. The thickness works wonders. It creates a nice barrier between his lips and his bloody tongue!

My breastfeeding days are long over so I think I might have to head to the chemist and get myself some more Lansinoh. Anything to prevent him from looking like a clown.

Lights and mirrors ahoy

The electricity was properly connected today. We have lights, ceiling fans and power points – lots of power points! Finally, we'll be able to attend the house at night - we can see where we're walking! Looks like they were busy today- they had also installed the shower screens, bathroom mirrors and cupboard/built-in doors.

I’m not sure if I mentioned it but we have a key – WOOHOO – so we can visit and browse whenever we want. We had to pay a $20 deposit for the privilege in exchange for a ‘builder’s key’, but we get that back when we hand the key in at handover. We’ve had the key for about two weeks now and it’s been fantastic. It’s great to be able to browse around inside whenever we want. It means we can keep a closer eye on the finer details and advise the builder if anything isn’t to our liking/specification earlier then we otherwise would ensuring there will be no nasty surprises come handover.

Speaking of nasty surprises…how shocked was I when I spotted the linen cupboard’s brand spanking new sliding doors…they were cream. Cream you say – what’s wrong with that? Well, we have white walls that’s whats wrong with it. It just looked so wrong. I have consciously made an effort to ensure everything has matched. There is no way I would have let a cream linen cupboard door slip through in my colour selection.

I rang the builder late this afternoon and explained their little mistake. He said he would have to take a look at his tender colour selection document to see what colour it was supposed to be. Do you think I could find my copy at home? Nope. I did find the original draft which had ‘birch cream’ as the colour but as expected I had picked that up and changed it to white. I rang the actual building company to find out what we had on the contract and it was indeed 'artic white' which was such a relief. That means some one has stuffed up and they better fix it!

Aside from the little mishap everything looks good. I loved the entrance light the best. It was worth the money and looks perfect. Just perfect. Trevor and I have vowed to make sure nothing gets moved in through the front door – God forbid something should happen to our precious crystal light!

(Isn't it gorgeous?)

(Main ensuite vanity mirror)

(Bathroom vanity mirror - can you believe it's bigger then the ensuite? What's with that!)

(Playroom fan)

(Alfresco downlights and fan)

(Bathroom showerscreen)

(Bedroom built-in doors)

(The lovely 'birch cream' linen cupbaord door - don't you think it goes perfectly with the white walls?!)

Some where to park the car...

It really is starting to look more like a proper house!

We have a driveway and a path to the front door. We also have concrete portico and alfresco areas. Eventually these will be tiled. Apparently we have to wait a 'few months' before we can do so, so as to ensure the concrete has fully set (i.e to avoid slight movement and cracking in the tiles). I don't think we'll be waiting months...perhaps weeks, but not months!

Introducing...

Miss Eliza Pearl...

(and let me assure you - she's as beautiful as the name would suggest)

Isn't she just a 'pearl' (and yes mum looks gorgeous too)?!

This newborn gig is not the easiest thing to do. In fact, it’s probably the hardest out of all shoots - maternity, baby and kids (ok, toddlers are probably hard but not as time consuming). Little newborns take so long to settle and resettle. Anyone would think they were easy because they don’t move but when they're awake they squirm and wiggle so it makes things hard. It's a matter of feeding, cuddling and waiting. All up it took us 3 hours to complete this session and Little Miss Eliza was such a good little poppet - imagine how long it would take with very unsettled bubs or nervous parents (it is then another 6 plus hours to process and sort all the images).

Eliza definitely spent more time awake then asleep but she wasn’t wiggly at all - there were lots of little feeds and the dummy came in mighty handy at some points - it just took her over to the sleepy/settled side much quicker...I'll be recommending those to parents (if not for my sanity he he he). Miss Eliza Pearl was a grand ol’ 5 days. That’s the thing with newborns…the earlier you get them the easier and ‘more sleepy’ they are so it’s much better. Anything past two weeks is too long.

They are so tiny and soft and smell delicious which makes up for all the hard yards.

Sigh…I want one!