Positive Parenting

It has only taken 5 months on the waiting list to get in...but today I finally started the Triple P Parenting Course. We had taken Byron to see a sleep nurse around 5 months ago (because he was being naughty and wouldn’t stay in his room at bedtime). After providing us with a solution to that problem she suggested the course might be helpful to curb any other problems that might arise. So here I am...hoping to learn some positive parenting techniques. Apparently, the program aims to make parenting easier (I’m all for that)...

There are 4 workshops that you have to attend over 4 weeks. Following this, there are 4 optional telephone conferences to discuss any queries raised. Plus, at the end I get a Parenting Certificate ([wonder what that qualifies me to be).

Today, I learned a few things, namely:

1. Accidental rewards for misbehaviour don’t work (this is a no brainer really, however I am guilty of providing "accidental rewards" or "hidden pay-offs" for misbehaviour). Accidental rewards include social attention (i.e. smiling and laughing), material rewards (such as toys) or food treats. Hmmm will have to put a stop to this I think :unsure:.
2. Children can learn that if they escalate and their problem behaviour gets worse, they are more likely to get what they want (like, when they get louder and louder to get what they want and then you give in) - again might be guilty :unsure:. Apparently this applies to the parents to – that is, parents can learn that if they escalate and get louder, they are more likely to get what they want...like me asking Byron 5 times to get in the bath – each time louder and louder until he does it.
3. Rumour has it (and I would most certainly agree) that behaviour that earns no attention is likely to happen less often. If children are ignored when they have behaved well, they may learn that the only way to get attention is to misbehave. I am pleased to say, Byron's good behaviour gets loads of attention and praise.
4. Punishment threatened but not carried out can cause lots of problems in the long term - I need to work on this one I think.

In attending my first session and in chatting with other parents at the workshop (3 of whom were referred by Child Safety) I realised that Trev and I are doing ok; there are things we could improve but I think every parent can improve somewhere along the way, hence the reason for my attending. Byron’s behaviour, whilst no were near perfect (lets face it no child’s is), is quite good. In saying that, I have set some goals for a change in my child’s behaviour (something you are required to do in the workshops). They are for him to:

• Eat at least half of the dinner put in front of him each night – at the moment, he tends only to eat a few little things and sometimes nothing at all :angry:.
• Learn that he can’t interrupt people when they talk (even when he says "excuse me")
• Get less frustrated when he can’t do something – like pedal his bike; take something apart etc.

I have some goals I hope to get out of the course as well...these are:

• Follow through on misbehaviour quicker (and with less escalation required)
• Try to eliminate smacking completely. I don’t smack very much at all, but figure it wouldn’t hurt to eliminate it completely – we’ll see how we go!

Ohh and before I forget...I have a goal for Trevor (which I only just told him about)...TO STOP SWEARING SO MUCH! His response was, "WTF!".

Byronism of the day...

After spending 3 hours sitting in a chair at the Triple P Course when I got up I struggled to walk to my car. My pelvic condition really flared up for the rest of the day. When I picked up Byron from Kindy he was playing up near the sand pit. To get his attention I had to walk up the hill (only little) to get him. Man was it a site to see; I was waddling like there was no tomorrow. G (the director) called out to Byron and said "Byron, look at you making your mummy walk up the hill". I indicated to Byron that I was in a bit of pain (I didn't mention where the pain was coming from).

On the way home in the car we had the following discussion...

"Mummy, my back is really killing me today...its really really killing me"
"Why, what happened to your back darling"
"I had to walk up the really big hill!"