For what its worth it is my birthday today.
Not sure if it was a very 'happy' day though...in fact it wasn't. Let me see; where to start hmmm. The day started off well. I was woken up to Byron singing me his version of happy birthday...
"happy birthday to mummy,
happy birthday to mummy,
hooray its your birthday..."
For the record there were other versions throughout the day, but this was the most consistent.
Trevor gave me a present...some dusk candles and ceramic lamps to put them in. I wanted dusk candles so I was happy with those. When I asked where the card was he replied "somewhere - I just have to find it"...Oh really! Where’s the planning in that? Come to think of it I just don't think he even bought me a card.
I said goodbye to Byron and Trevor took him to Kindy. While they were at kindy I stated stewing (that being the right word I guess) about a conversation Trevor and I had a few weeks earlier. At the moment we don’t have a lot of money, given I am not working. So when Trevor withdrew $100 from the bank I queried it. He said he needed $20 and that the other $80 was for part of my birthday present. Now that did seem a little odd to me, given Trevor never thinks about my birthday more then 2 days before, but I let it go thinking that maybe he was actually going to give my birthday some thought this year . In ending the conversation I did also remind him that Mothers day was before my birthday. He said he realised this but he needed the money for my birthday present.
The longer he was gone the more I stewed about where the money had gone (considering what he had given me was no where near $80 worth) – that he used my birthday as an excuse to spend money on something else. I guess, though, what hurt the most was no card . On par with that was the fact that he didn’t take Byron out to get me anything – I don’t care about the cost. It could have cost $2 for all I care. There was just no thought at all...that hurts (and it hurt deep) .
I did confront him when he got home, but he insisted he spent the money on mother’s day (bull sh*t) – more lies!!! He made it about himself...I don’t think he cared at all.
Reading what I have written so far, it does seem somewhat petty, but I do want to clear a few things up before I go on, in case it wasn’t clear to start with. It is not about what was spent on my birthday – I really am not that shallow.
1. It is the lie...the fact he lied and used my birthday as an excuse to spend money on himself - or whatever!
2. The card...hello where is it???
3. Byron...or the lack of thought for him. When I picked him up from Kindy he told S (his carer) it was my birthday and that I had got candles. I said yes, you gave me candles to which he replied, "no daddy did" . He is old enough now to pick something for my birthday – or even better make it!
I will get past this now (even though I am really not) as there were many others who made my day that extra bit special...
The mother in law came around in the morning with a McDonalds chocolate brownie and ice cream. There is a story behind it, but I won’t go into it now...just to say it was a lovely thought - and that’s what made it so special. She also gave me a lovely facial voucher which I plan to use wisely. Thank you Maree xx
Next, my mother came around. She always manages to make my day special. She gave me flowers (I love flowers – but never get them), maternity PJs, super doper soft dressing gown and a lovely gold bracelet. And the card...a card with a meaning so carefully sought. I love you mum xxx
It just so happens that my brother is up at the moment. He is leaving today so he begged I get Bryon out of kindy and bring him to lunch so he could play with Ashlie. I did and it was the best thing I could have done; especially with those happy birthday songs when ever I wanted - at my request. We (my brother and his family, dad, Byron and I) all went out for lunch. Thank you Nathan xxx
I also had many phone calls, SMS’s, lovely messages from my EB buddies and a visit from a friend. All in all, I really couldn’t have asked for better family and friends.
Trevor and I did end up going to the movies to see the Davinci Code as planned – to be honest I wouldn’t have gone if the tickets weren't prepaid. I wasn’t much in the mood for Trevor’s company. We hardly spoke the whole time. On the plus side, I thought the movie was quite good. Highly recommend it - but read the book first; it makes it easier to understand.
Its funny how the actions of one can bring you down so much, and it doesn't matter what others do to help bring you up. Why is that so??? I have pondered this all day and still I can't come up with an answer; especially when there were so many positives. I guess, its hard to focus on the positives when the negative is 'so negative'. I better start trying though, because life is all about positives and negatives and what you take away from them...I would much rather take something from the positive then the negative.
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