My little alien!

I had my NT scan today. I didn’t know what to expect seeing as though I didn’t take this test route with the other two. Apparently I was low risk. I didn’t really expect there to be a high age risk this time but seeing as though I now have a ‘3’ in my age I thought I would give it a go – any excuse to see the baby.

I was nervous but that goes without saying really – I’m kinda nervous about all things this pregnancy. Lucky I have my little Doppler handy (I purchased it during my pregnancy with Lily). It’s meant that any time a wave of doubt pops up in my mind I just get my trusty friend the Doppler and search until I can find the baby’s heartbeat and listen blissfully to the sound of the horses running. I first heard the heartbeat on Boxing Day and boy that was a relief. Once little bubs starts kicking me hard my need to gravitate towards the Doppler will no doubt decrease.

Even though I’ve heard the heart beat many times there is sometimes doubt...what if it’s not ok? What if there is something wrong? I’m sounding like a broken record huh? Anyway, seeing #3 baking away in there today was so great. Bubbles (as s/he shall now be called) was moving around at just the right pace. The sonographer had no problems getting all the measurements. The nuchal fold test was 1.5mm which was perfect. Bubbles was measuring one day less then my due date which is 3 days better then it was measuring at the 7 week scan. Perfect.

They were running 30 minutes behind so by the time we finished I couldn’t really wait around for the results as I had to go back to work (I had already been gone 2 hours!). The lady was nice though and quickly worked them out and apparently I have a low risk for Downs Syndrome at 1:11,924. That’s a relief. She will send all my results and pics off to my doctor and I’ll pick them up on the weekend. Before leaving though I insisted she give me some pictures so that I could show Byron and Lily their new brother or sister.

Byron thought she looked like a girl. He really wants a baby sister. Lily said boy – but she says boy for everything. I’m leaning towards girl but I’m not sure why – I was so wrong with Byron though! Anyway, without further ado, here is my little Bubbles...


Who would have thought that a little alien like creature could cause me so much grief? I should have known huh? It’s not like the two that came before were any nicer to their mummy while baking. It's ok little one...mummy still loves you! See you in 7 more weeks. xxx

My News...

The reason for my long absence is this damn morning sickness. You guessed it? Number 3 is on the way. The last 5 weeks I’ve been kicking myself thinking “what the hell have you got yourself into?”, “Why am I doing this to myself again?”. The truth is, I know why, but when you’re living everyday feeling like utter crap you can’t help but question your decisions.

So, I’m 10 weeks going on 11 weeks and I’m due in mid July. I’m completely paranoid that something will go wrong – having the earlier ultrasound has done nothing to alleviate my fears. I’m hoping my 12 week scan on 7 January 2009 will do more for that. I truly want this baby and I’m worried that something will go wrong. There are no real signs of anything wrong but my stupid paranoia.

I’m sick although nothing like I was with Byron (It's probably more in line with how normal morning sickness should be - maybe a smidge worse). I’m proud to say that to date I’ve only had 4 sick days off work which given my history with both Byron (3 weeks total work non consecutive between 8 weeks and ceasing at 26 weeks) and Lily (ceasing work at 8 weeks on income protection insurance) is really good – well I think so. I had to fess up to work sooner then I wanted because with me, you never know what it’s going to be like from one day to the next. I always feel better when things are out in the open. I also got permanent with work now which after nearly two years is handy – not that it really means much but piece of mine I guess. My goal for work was to get to Christmas and my nearly 2 weeks off…which I can say I’ve done as best I can.

Feeling just plain blur has meant that I have completely lost my desire to blog and forget about my photography – I feel like if I never see my camera again it will be too soon. It’s probably a good thing that I won’t receive my new baby (the camera that is) until sometime next year because it would truly be an injustice for it to just sit in the box untouched. I actually have one client still waiting for her photos and I can’t bring myself to sit at the computer at home in the hot weather and do them. The passion is gone. I sure hope it comes back! In the meantime I’m not doing any favours for my business – sob! Sob!

It’s terrible to feel so crap and uninspired at this time of year. I really love Christmas and it’s our first in our new house plus my brother and his family have arrived. To top it off we are having Christmas breakfast and lunch at our place. I just can’t get into it!! I am yet to finish all my shopping and there is barely 2 days to Christmas. My festive mood is just nonexistent. Sigh. The best thing about being pregnant with my first two was that I never got to feel crap at this time of year – only joy with my new little additions.

There are some decent days so I’m really hoping to get past it and enjoy the next few days with my kidos. Speaking of kidos, there is so much to update you on. Lily is running around in undies – my special big girl!!!! She still isn’t out of the cot *blush* on account of me feeling so crap I just can’t get out to get her a big girl bed and remove all the baby furniture from her room. She’s happy enough though and sleeping perfectly fine. She’ll have to wait a little longer yet.

Byron is just so grown up….my beautiful big boy is such a help, especially at the moment. On the days I feel like crap he can get me ice and water. He can make a sandwich for himself and Lily. He can help Lily with things. Sigh. He’s so good.

We’ll there you have it, enough of my long ramblings. I have managed to blog a few entries prior to the sickness beginning and in between. You can read them here...they're much more exciting then this entry.

"And so it begins..."
"Could it be?"
Big Fat Positive...
Confirmation
Test #3
Sharing the journey
Six weeks!
It’s arrived!
Heartbeat.
Nasty Nine

In approximately 29 weeks I'll have my last precious bundle in my arms. I wonder what it will be????

I promise…

There is a good reason for my *long* absence. In a few more days I’ll let you know – there’s just something I have to take care of first.

Nasty Nine

Man I feel like crap. I had Wednesday and Thursday off work and today I have taken 3 Zofrans to no avail. They are simply NOT working!!!

Arrgh!

Now I know why I hate pregnancy so much. I really hate feeling like crap 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s just plain horrible knowing that I can’t even sleep it off – that tomorrow when I wake up I’ll be feeling the same.

Admittedly it’s not as bad as it was with Byron (which I would say for the most part is due to the $263.00 for box of 20 tablets) but it still sucks majorly. The thought of doing this for the next 30 weeks kills me.

Week nine, which I shall term nasty nine, has been notoriously bad with my pregnancies. Usually it is marked with a hospital visit or two. This time though, so far so good although I’m only a few days into it and judging by today things are only ramping up. Sigh.

I know this is my last pregnancy. My last baby - I feel it now.

And so...I can not wait to bid farewell forever to nasty nine!

Heartbeat.

I’m such a worrier. I never even gave miscarriage a thought with Byron. It never entered my mind that something could go wrong. With this one I think about it all the time. Perhaps because I’ve had one before at 10 weeks…they say 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. If that’s the case, then I’ve had my share already. Right?!

My sickness seems to have kicked in a week earlier then it did with the other two. That culminating with my high HCG level of 19,500 at just over 6 weeks had me thinking that perhaps there is more then one in there. I’ve been dreaming about twins a lot lately. Not sure why. Maybe it’s a sign?

When I went to the doctors last week for my first official pregnancy visit I asked for a scan just to make sure there is only one and that it has a heartbeat.

Well today, I got reassurance that there was only one (is it weird that I would be a little disappointed with that – strange?) and there was a heartbeat measuring 122bpm. Trevor and I took Byron along today because he had a pre prep day at big school. It was special for him to see. He was excited. He thinks it’s a boy!!!

I was relieved to say the least about the heartbeat but then got all in a twist because they said it was measuring 6 weeks 3 days and I’m 7 weeks today – that’s 7 weeks!!!! I’m positive about dates – losing 4 days is just not possible especially at this early stage. Every day closer to the end is paramount. It sounds stupid but when you suffer as I have suffered in pregnancy you would understand - I cling to everyday gone and another day closer to feeling normal.

I’ve decided to stick with my dates because I know the dates provided are not possible. They say they can be out by a week at this early stage so I’m happy with sticking with a due date of 16 July 2009.

Please stay sticky little one. xxx

It’s arrived!

It’s here.

I feel like crap.

I want to throw up.

I had to move my appointment with the doctor forward a week because I’m scared that things will get too out of control and I need my zofran!!!

So, my worry was for nothing. The dreaded sickness is here.

Please. Please. Please don’t stick around with a vengeance. I would be forever grateful.

Six weeks!

I’m nervous that things aren’t going to go right. I’m nervous that things will end up like they did in my pregnancy after Byron. I suppose it’s only natural to be overly cautious.

It all seems to perfect. To easy.

I’m not feeling the slightest bit sick yet. That scares me. Although, if truth be told, I don’t think I was struck with the dreaded sickness until I was around 7 to 8 weeks pregnant with Byron and Lily. I just know that by 9 weeks with each of them I was visiting hospital for the first time! With the miscarriage I didn’t really get sick at all, which was an indication that things weren’t going so well.

So, it’s been two weeks since I did the last lot of tests. I made Trevor tonight go out and get me another. He thought it was ridiculous when I said get the three pack - "You already know you're pregnant!". Needless to say he came back with just one more test, just to appease me of course.

I did the test and one of the lines came up almost instantly. The other line was half the strength. I was scared. However, in comparing it with the other tests, it looks like it was the control line that came up faintly and the ‘you’re pregnant’ line came up darker – that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

Sigh. I hate the uneasy feeling that stupid miscarriage has left me with. I will breathe so much easier when I get the dating ultra sound. Until then, I’ll just wait it out.