A financial struggle...

I wasn’t going to write about this, but seeing as it is such a significant issue at the moment, I thought I should. It being, a struggle that I would like to look back on and think ‘we conquered’!

It has been 125 days (that is: 10,800,000 seconds or 180,000 minutes or 3000 hours or approx 17 weeks) since I worked last. That is 125 days – give or take a few - since I got paid; and I haven’t even had the baby yet!

To say that things are tuff would be an understatement. Things are bloody hard at the moment and that is putting it mildly. Trevor got paid today, and with the mortgage, insurance, phone bills and everything else that was due, there isn’t much to keep us going til Thursday week. Over the last 17 weeks, we have eaten into our savings, but now most of it has gone and things are becoming a little scary.

There have been many sleepless nights wondering how we will survive. There have been many teary moments at the thought of what might be. If it wasn’t for the help of my mother (who I love so dearly) I wonder how much harder it would be. She is my shoulder, my support, someone I can talk to (other then Trevor) when the financial strain becomes just too much to bare. Her generous offers of help (which I try to refuse) are often begrudgingly accepted for fear that there is no where else to go – slipping $50 in my hand when I visit or bringing around something yummy for lunch.

It is somewhat unfortunate for us that I am the major bread winner. It is also very unfortunate for us that I have very difficult pregnancies that make it near impossible to productively work (i.e. Earn a living). However, I consider the most unfortunate thing of all to be the fact that I spend more time at home during pregnancy (without a baby) then I get to spend with my baby once it has arrived ; a decision purely based on monetary responsibilities.

I am currently awaiting a decision with regards to my income protection claim; a decision which ultimately has the potential to make or break us. I am not expecting too much from the insurance company as ‘complicated pregnancies’ are something insurance companies don’t look to favourably upon. I have my fingers and toes crossed that a positive decision will come through, hopefully in the next few days.

It is amazing what a strain financial stress can put on a relationship. Little issues become so much more then they should, which is very much the case in our relationship. To think that money can make or break a marriage is a really scary thing. In our case, today we decided that there is nothing much we could do and so we are looking at the bright side of life.

My best friend said to me yesterday that ‘they’ don’t want kids until they ‘can afford’ it. I know there are people in our lives who look at us and think "they should have waited", "they should have set themselves up first". The truth is though, that waiting would have made no real difference in our case. Especially given I will always be the main bread winner and the one that has to have the babies; the one who has terrible pregnancies!

I look at my little Byron and I am so thankful that we didn’t wait until we ‘could afford it’, because lets face it, he still wouldn’t be here...there is no right time financially to have a baby because there is no way to forecast what your situation will bring! That is an important lesson we have learned along the way - everyone's situation is different; pregnancy and children can't be scripted!