The reason for my long absence is this damn morning sickness. You guessed it? Number 3 is on the way. The last 5 weeks I’ve been kicking myself thinking “what the hell have you got yourself into?”, “Why am I doing this to myself again?”. The truth is, I know why, but when you’re living everyday feeling like utter crap you can’t help but question your decisions.
So, I’m 10 weeks going on 11 weeks and I’m due in mid July. I’m completely paranoid that something will go wrong – having the earlier ultrasound has done nothing to alleviate my fears. I’m hoping my 12 week scan on 7 January 2009 will do more for that. I truly want this baby and I’m worried that something will go wrong. There are no real signs of anything wrong but my stupid paranoia.
I’m sick although nothing like I was with Byron (It's probably more in line with how normal morning sickness should be - maybe a smidge worse). I’m proud to say that to date I’ve only had 4 sick days off work which given my history with both Byron (3 weeks total work non consecutive between 8 weeks and ceasing at 26 weeks) and Lily (ceasing work at 8 weeks on income protection insurance) is really good – well I think so. I had to fess up to work sooner then I wanted because with me, you never know what it’s going to be like from one day to the next. I always feel better when things are out in the open. I also got permanent with work now which after nearly two years is handy – not that it really means much but piece of mine I guess. My goal for work was to get to Christmas and my nearly 2 weeks off…which I can say I’ve done as best I can.
Feeling just plain blur has meant that I have completely lost my desire to blog and forget about my photography – I feel like if I never see my camera again it will be too soon. It’s probably a good thing that I won’t receive my new baby (the camera that is) until sometime next year because it would truly be an injustice for it to just sit in the box untouched. I actually have one client still waiting for her photos and I can’t bring myself to sit at the computer at home in the hot weather and do them. The passion is gone. I sure hope it comes back! In the meantime I’m not doing any favours for my business – sob! Sob!
It’s terrible to feel so crap and uninspired at this time of year. I really love Christmas and it’s our first in our new house plus my brother and his family have arrived. To top it off we are having Christmas breakfast and lunch at our place. I just can’t get into it!! I am yet to finish all my shopping and there is barely 2 days to Christmas. My festive mood is just nonexistent. Sigh. The best thing about being pregnant with my first two was that I never got to feel crap at this time of year – only joy with my new little additions.
There are some decent days so I’m really hoping to get past it and enjoy the next few days with my kidos. Speaking of kidos, there is so much to update you on. Lily is running around in undies – my special big girl!!!! She still isn’t out of the cot *blush* on account of me feeling so crap I just can’t get out to get her a big girl bed and remove all the baby furniture from her room. She’s happy enough though and sleeping perfectly fine. She’ll have to wait a little longer yet.
Byron is just so grown up….my beautiful big boy is such a help, especially at the moment. On the days I feel like crap he can get me ice and water. He can make a sandwich for himself and Lily. He can help Lily with things. Sigh. He’s so good.
We’ll there you have it, enough of my long ramblings. I have managed to blog a few entries prior to the sickness beginning and in between. You can read them here...they're much more exciting then this entry.
"Could it be?"
Big Fat Positive...
Confirmation
Test #3
Sharing the journey
Six weeks!
It’s arrived!
Heartbeat.
Nasty Nine
In approximately 29 weeks I'll have my last precious bundle in my arms. I wonder what it will be????
