Heartbeat.

I’m such a worrier. I never even gave miscarriage a thought with Byron. It never entered my mind that something could go wrong. With this one I think about it all the time. Perhaps because I’ve had one before at 10 weeks…they say 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. If that’s the case, then I’ve had my share already. Right?!

My sickness seems to have kicked in a week earlier then it did with the other two. That culminating with my high HCG level of 19,500 at just over 6 weeks had me thinking that perhaps there is more then one in there. I’ve been dreaming about twins a lot lately. Not sure why. Maybe it’s a sign?

When I went to the doctors last week for my first official pregnancy visit I asked for a scan just to make sure there is only one and that it has a heartbeat.

Well today, I got reassurance that there was only one (is it weird that I would be a little disappointed with that – strange?) and there was a heartbeat measuring 122bpm. Trevor and I took Byron along today because he had a pre prep day at big school. It was special for him to see. He was excited. He thinks it’s a boy!!!

I was relieved to say the least about the heartbeat but then got all in a twist because they said it was measuring 6 weeks 3 days and I’m 7 weeks today – that’s 7 weeks!!!! I’m positive about dates – losing 4 days is just not possible especially at this early stage. Every day closer to the end is paramount. It sounds stupid but when you suffer as I have suffered in pregnancy you would understand - I cling to everyday gone and another day closer to feeling normal.

I’ve decided to stick with my dates because I know the dates provided are not possible. They say they can be out by a week at this early stage so I’m happy with sticking with a due date of 16 July 2009.

Please stay sticky little one. xxx

It’s arrived!

It’s here.

I feel like crap.

I want to throw up.

I had to move my appointment with the doctor forward a week because I’m scared that things will get too out of control and I need my zofran!!!

So, my worry was for nothing. The dreaded sickness is here.

Please. Please. Please don’t stick around with a vengeance. I would be forever grateful.

Six weeks!

I’m nervous that things aren’t going to go right. I’m nervous that things will end up like they did in my pregnancy after Byron. I suppose it’s only natural to be overly cautious.

It all seems to perfect. To easy.

I’m not feeling the slightest bit sick yet. That scares me. Although, if truth be told, I don’t think I was struck with the dreaded sickness until I was around 7 to 8 weeks pregnant with Byron and Lily. I just know that by 9 weeks with each of them I was visiting hospital for the first time! With the miscarriage I didn’t really get sick at all, which was an indication that things weren’t going so well.

So, it’s been two weeks since I did the last lot of tests. I made Trevor tonight go out and get me another. He thought it was ridiculous when I said get the three pack - "You already know you're pregnant!". Needless to say he came back with just one more test, just to appease me of course.

I did the test and one of the lines came up almost instantly. The other line was half the strength. I was scared. However, in comparing it with the other tests, it looks like it was the control line that came up faintly and the ‘you’re pregnant’ line came up darker – that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

Sigh. I hate the uneasy feeling that stupid miscarriage has left me with. I will breathe so much easier when I get the dating ultra sound. Until then, I’ll just wait it out.

I just went shopping...

They got in contact with me late last week – they told me I could go shopping at Canon – Woohoo! What a photographer’s dream. Yesterday I decided what it was I wanted to get. Well actually, I had spoken with Canon last week and decided that the Canon 5D MKII is what I’ll be getting. My new baby!!!

Isn’t she gorgeous?!

It’s funny though...and you’ll laugh at me...but $5,000.00 is simply not enough money when it comes to all the equipment I would like. Frankly, it barely scapes the surface! Well it got me the camera body (no lens) but if I had my way there would be at least five other major items on my list (mainly lenses) the cost of which I would hate to hazard a guess.

It’s expensive being a photographer.

Anyway, whilst I couldn’t get all the things I desired, I did get my number one desire...a new camera. After I took into account the $RRP of the 5D ($4,299.00) I was left with $700.00 to spend. It was know where near enough for a lens, although I could spend more if I wanted to - it would just mean that I had to chip in over the $5K amount, so I decided to steer clear of that department.

I have been more then frustrated on a number of occasions over the mere fact that I don’t have a little point and shoot camera; you know a little one that you can just chuck in your bag and run. So many times I’ve gone to functions and wished I had something a little more innocuous and easy to carry. What better thing to use my money for then to get me an itty bitty camera! In addition to the camera (cause it wasn’t $700) I decided to go for some underwater housing. Underwater housing isn’t cheap and most definitely something I wouldn’t ordinarily buy. I thought what the heck – not my money (Oh I love this feeling – guilt free shopping is fantabulous).

So there you have it...my winning prizes; my cameras. Don't you think 'gold' is appropriate in this situation - I promise I'm not gloating?

Sharing the journey

I got the bestest news today. Really – its right up there as the greatest news I’ve had in ages.

My besty is pregnant!! It’s her first.

… and guess what?!

She’s due exactly a week before me. What are the odds? Her week falls on a Thursday just like mine. I knew she was trying. She didn’t realise I was trying as well. Well we know I wasn’t exactly trying but never the less, there’s something in it. Right?!

I ‘m so excited to be sharing the journey with someone close. With Byron I shared the journey with no one. I was the first of my friends to get pregnant and no one even came close to being pregnant with me, although I did have a friend that had a 9 month old. So, it was a lonely road, especially with the hyperemesis. Then there was Lily… a few of my friends were pregnant around the same time – 3 and 5 months behind, plus I had discovered the internet forum Essential Baby. That was definitely better then doing it alone.

However, I’ve never shared the journey with someone so close and to be so close in dates too – so cool!

Anyway, I do worry that it’s too perfect if you know what I mean but then again I think, how could it not have meant to be?

It’s only early days yet so I’m trying not to celebrate too much , especially with the miscarriage I’ve preciously suffered. But as time goes, and all progresses smoothly there’s no doubt I’ll get more excited about sharing the pregnancy journey with my besty but also sharing the parenting journey as well.

Toilet Training!

I’ve been dreading it for months the whole toilet training thing. Lily has basically shown no interest to learn. I’ve suspected that she’d be a whole lot more trouble than Byron ever was with potty training.

A few weeks ago kindy decided it was time to get into action. They popped her in those terry toweling trainers (they remind me of the 70s). Aside from nap time, they would keep her in them all day long!

For the first week there were accidents - accident after accident. There were no successes to speak of. Not one. For this reason I didn’t try putting her in trainers when we came home from kindy. With dinner, baths and everything else I just didn’t have the energy to direct to that endeavor (naughty me). Plus every time I insinuated that she use the potty I was met with, “I don weeally like it”.

So, another week went by and there weren’t any successes to speak off.

I thought this was the pattern of the future. However, with this week has come some success. Slowly but surely things are falling into place. There have been less accidents – when I say less I mean not 9 but say 3 to 4. There has been potty action too. Lily did 3 wees on the potty yesterday and 4 the day before. And just in case you’re mistaken she’s more than happy to correct you and tell you all about her efforts – she’s so proud of herself!

Today, Grandma day, was the first day we did the ‘big girl’ undies (a.k.a terry friends) at home. Guess what?! I’ve been told there were no accidents but then again there were no successes during the course of the day either. She seemed to save it all for the nap time nappy.

When Trev and I came home from work Lily was all bathed and in her ‘undies’ - there’s nothing cuter then little toddler legs and cutie bum enclosed in big kid undies! It’s a new view compared to nappies and more nappies. Adorable!

So there was no success today but I am very excited to announce that this evening I managed to get Lily to do her first ever wee in the potty at home! Woohoo! It looks like we might be getting somewhere. That said, I have no doubt that number twos will be a whole other story. Stay tuned.

I WON!!!

There I am...on the right. I'm the winner for the amateur section - bubbles!

WOOHOO!

Trevor, the sneaky blighter, found out that I won last night after midnight when one of my friends thought I was still on MSN. She urged him to go and look. Low and behold he saw that I had won. He toyed with waking me up but decided that I would probably be too excited to sleep so he let me sleep. Instead, his first words to me this morning were “Congratulations. You won!”. I jumped around to face him. I thought I was dreaming. How could little ol' me win a competition?!

I still can’t believe I’ve won. It’s so nice to win something that I actually want. If I won $5K there is just no way on this earth that I could justify spending it on a camera. No way. This way, I don’t have a choice. Therefore, no need to feel guilty – I win again! Woohoo!

OK…time to take a chill pill.

Test #3

Ok, Ok, I think the odds are I’m pregnant. I was happy to see that today’s test (and yes it’s the last in the box of three) was a nice strong positive. Hopefully that’s a good sign that ‘it’ will be a sticky little baby. I want no repeats of my experience in between Byron and Lily!

(The last test is #3 !)

Men and Sport: the prequel

As I sit here writing this entry, Byron sits in the TV room (commandeering the room as he seems to do a lot these days) watching the ROAR play – that’s Brisbane’s A-League soccer team if you weren’t aware. I can hear him calling out stuff to the TV; chatting to himself nervously waiting for them to score.

“Good try Roar...It went straight over the goal”

“Good Brisbane goal keeper”

“Why haven’t you scored yet?”

I didn’t realise it started so early – the whole men and sport thing. I mean the kid has been bugging me since 3:00pm – the time Trevor left to go to the game – to watch it... “Is it 7:00 yet?!”; “What time is it?!”; “Is the Roar on yet?!”

Arggh!

This isn’t the first time he’s been interested in watching the soccer either. For the last few weeks he’s wanted to watch anything soccer related. He wants to watch the women playing as well as the men. He wants to watch the Premier League as well (UK). I mean come on already...it’s getting ridiculous. The kids becoming a tad obsessed. And where does he get it from...one guess in that department.

I watch Byron watching Trevor and his reactions to the games. He literally copies Trevor's emotions; his mannerism; everything. Whatever Trevor says, he repeats – even those things he really shouldn’t be!!! I’ll give Trevor some credit though, he even thinks Byron’s a tad obsessed. He would rather watch Fox Sports sometimes then the kids’ channel. The other day he had some obscure sport on and we had to tell him to put it on the kids’ channel or turn it off. He obliged begrudging.

The last time we enrolled Byron in a sporting endeavour, aside from swimming, it didn’t go down to well. If it were now I think it would be a different story. If Byron kicking the ball around the house is evidence of anything, he’s ready.

I think the sooner we get him out there playing the game for real, the better it will be! Perhaps I'll get my TV back. He’ll have to wait til next year’s season though. It's too late this year. Plus, he’ll have to wait for us (sorry...Trevor) to decide which club Byron will play for.

God help me...it's half time and Byron's frustrated because no teams have scored yet...on that note, it's time for Byron to go to bed!

Confirmation

I did another test this morning just to make sure last night’s wasn’t a mistake.

It wasn’t. I got another two lines today and they were a smidge darker. Looks like I’m pregnant!

It’s starting to sink in although I’m really scared of what’s to come. I’m incredibly scared of the sickness. Petrified in fact. I keep thinking how many good days I have left before I’m stuck with it. There’s no use thinking it’s not going to happen this time. It did for the first two, so odds are it will for this one. Eeekkkk! Just thinking about it gives me the shivers. I really want to get to Christmas (12 weeks) without people at work knowing. There are some things I want to sort out there before I want them knowing I’m pregnant. Plus, there are the financial worries like paying the mortgage. I can’t afford not to work...hence I can’t afford to get sick like I did with Byron and Lily.

I wanted to make an appointed with my GP as soon as possible to get some Zofran ready for when the onslaught begins but I couldn’t get into to see her until the 29th of November. I’ll be 7 weeks. I’m praying with all my mite that I’ll still be ok. Sigh. I’m so scared. Though I’m happy too. I just need to find the in between.

Big Fat Positive...

It was meant to be a joke. Seriously, I only asked Trevor to pick up some pregnancy tests when he went to the shop just because. Just because I wanted to get it over and done with; that first test in the trying to conceive number three journey. Kind of like oiling the machine...get back into the action of peeing on the stick.

Never in my wildest dreams did I EVER image that I would look down at the stick tonight and see two pink lines. NEVER! However, when I did look down there they were staring back at me - definitely two pink lines, albeit the pregnancy line was lighter but not so light you would need a magnify glass to see it.

I sat staring at the stick for a whole minute thinking this can’t be possible – we weren’t trying. Then I remembered Trevor sitting out on the lounge. I walked out to him, laughing and carrying that stick. When I showed him the stick he laughed. He laughed a lot. I think he was in shock. I was too. I was laughing instead of crying. My legs felt like jelly and I literally didn’t think I could walk.

Part of me felt like ‘how could we be so stupid?’. It took me about an hour to get over the shock. Trevor too. He didn’t really say much which had me worried for a bit. I think he was hoping it would take a little bit longer (selfish reasons for him *wink wink*). The thing is, with trying to get pregnant with Byron and with Lily and the miscarriage in between, it never happened quickly – it took at good 3 to 4 months each time. We expected it would take that long with this one. Needless to say, we are pleasantly surprised.

So, it looks like I’m pregnant. I just Googled my due date. Seems I’ll be having a Cancer – due 16 July 2009. It’s uncanny but the age difference between Lily and this baby will be approximately 2 years and 11 months which is the same gap between Byron and Lily. Meant to be me thinks!!!

Famous...

My simply adorable little niece is famous - well you don't get to appear on the cover of the David Jones Christmas catalogue with Megan Gale no less, if your not anything but.

Sigh. Isn't she just beautiful. She's the one centre stage on the front cover and also on the back.

I could just squish her all up!!!!

It must be hard to be that cute. Really it must.

OH MY GOD...I'm a finalist

In the canon photo comp...

How in the world did that happen??? I've never won a thing in my life. EVER. Oh my goodness!!!

I could potentially win $5K worth of Canon equipement. Oh my god!

Please, please, please (if you're so minded of course) click on the link, head to the amateur "Bubbles" section, and look for my beautiful Byron blowing bubbles in the dusk light!!

I'll be forever grateful!!!!!

Here it is again...